To aid in distancing myself from yesterday's nightmare of a blog post, I've decided to tell you a story.

Only a couple of folks know this story, but it's not out of my embarrassment, I just haven't had a chance to talk to many people.

I play basketball with a group of guys at this healthclub that my wife and I belong to. We play religiously every Mon/Wed/Friday at lunchtime. It's a great time and a great workout. By my records, I dropped a little over 35 pounds over the last year which is about the same amount of time that I've been playing with these guys.

Well, after ball begins the shower, dress, get back to work regimen. The sheer amount of:
whiteness
wrinkles
nakedness
and body hair is pretty disturbing if you stop and think about it.

Stop, seriously, I said don't think about it.
Really! Quit, I'm not kidding.

So, Jakey hangs his towel up on the hook outside the showers with the 5 or 6 other towels that are hanging there. On this day I've chosen a nice pale green towel. I mean really pale, just a smidge above whatever word you want to use that really means off-white.
Jakey takes his shower and comes out to find that his pale green towel is gone. The horror!
As naked Jake eyes the 5 or 6 rows of benches that line the lockerroom he spots what looks like his towel. I guess in what is one of the worst aspects of the story, the towel is resting on the bench. The problem is that Lavergne is sitting on the towel and just like naked Jake, He is naked.

Now don't get me wrong. Lavergne is a really nice guy but he's a little crazy. I can't really understand what he's saying half the time. He's probably 55 or 60 and weighing in at a plush 275. No big deal unless you're 4'11". Okay, I'm being dramatic, he's probably 5'10". So he's got some girth.

I ask Lavergne if he might have picked up the wrong towel. He looks down and begins to laugh and speak. From what I gathered, he just got to talking when he got out of the shower and totally grabbed the wrong towel. I knew it was an honest mistake because back when I came out of the shower, most all of the towels hanging were white and I just figured he hadn't looked close enough. So, I tell him I'll get his towel and bring it to him if he tells me which one it was.
He tells me it's the YELLOW STRIPED ONE!!! C'mon man! out of 5 towels, the one non-white towel is not only non-white, it's a beach towel that's got freakin huge yellow stripes running through it with green pin stripe accents.

In the 5 naked steps it takes me to walk back to the towel hooks I'm playing the scenario out in my head. Do I get my towel back? Do I use his and call it even? I'm not sure. My decision is more than made up for me when I grab his towel off of the hook. His towel is wet. Wet you say?
How could that be Uncle naked Jake(which reminds me of another story for another day)? His towel is wet because, like a lot of guys out on the court, me included, he used his towel to wipe his sweaty body in between games. Let that sink in........

I graciously accepted my towel in exchange for his and completed the painstaking task of "toweling" off and getting dressed.

Some stories were never meant to be told, this was not one of them.
Thank you and good day.